A Child’s Eyes  

Prelude – My Beginning

The eyes of a child… it all starts there. The boy stared at me with bright blue eyes and I choked, I lost all control of my life with one stare. For that brief moment I was reduced to the lowest humiliation possible. It’s funny how something so simple can change one’s life forever. Just one stare, one look, one moment in time where the world is simplified all the way down to its roots; to the very base level of existence where everything has to make sense merely because of its simplicity. It was in that moment that I knew what was going to happen to me and what my life really meant… what my purpose really was.
So there I was, frozen at the sight of this boy. He stared at me with deep blue eyes that could pierce any soul and shatter it with no hope of repair. This is what started my life, or what ended it, depending on how you, yourself, view life. There are those who would believe that such an event as this would save the life of a man like me, others would view it as merely an act of suicide. I tend to think that I truly am dead, that the events connecting me to this boy really caused me to die. However, I will let you make your own choice as to whether or not you believe life can be found or taken away through these events that I am about to reveal.
Everyone is born, but not everyone is alive when they are born. I’ve been dead since day one. My mother was a whore and my father a thief, or so I’ve heard. I don’t remember much about my youth, the farthest memory in the back of my mind is that of a dog, barking at me, though even as a child I did not feel fear.
It was raining and I was alone on a dreary day in some village far from here. I do not recall how far or what name the village possessed. I only remember the rain and the dog; barking, glaring, gnashing in front of me. It is this memory which gave me my strength, gave me the will to do what I did, but not what I will do, what I must do. It is the feeling that I had while this dog prepared to end my life; the feeling that if my life ended then and there it wouldn’t matter. If I existed or not made no difference at all, I had no one. I was a thief, like my father, I starved, I felt nothing, I had no purpose. No one really saw me, I was the ghost that traveled the earth without purpose or goal… or hope. I was dead in every respect except my still beating heart, just enough to keep my physical shape and form to move from place to place taking up just a small amount of space… anywhere and nowhere… I was nothing.
And so, as I faced my killer, mortality upon me, I felt… joy. To think, finally, I meant something. This dog felt me, felt my presence, my existence and was acting upon it: barking, gnashing, and preparing to deal with me as a threat! I was never a threat, I was never anything and suddenly… that day, I was something. It was when the dog finally lunged forward, prepared to rip me from the earth at whatever cost, that I realized that I was more than a shadow. It was this event which triggered the heart, the small bit of life I did have, to unleash my fury, my feelings of purpose and meaning simply because a dog saw me and chose to spend energy, energy to end my life… he failed… I killed him, but I thank him. He gave me life, knowledge that I did in fact exist and was not a ghost to forever walk the earth in search of nothing but life’s most simple of necessities: food and water.
And so I became what I was meant to be… or so I thought at the time. It was the boy, his eyes, my loss of what I had gained the day the dog recognized my existence which caused me to reach the point at which I had no choice as to what to do… it had to be done. You must decide for yourself what I have become because of my actions; have I become death and in the process killed myself? Or have my choices and my destiny led me to rebirth, to retribution. No matter what my choices have led me to, one thing is for certain: I will kill again. It is what I have done with my life, what I had to do, for I am, at heart, at the very roots of my simple existence, an assassin.

To be continued…